Bigger Than My Circumstances

"My God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there's nothing my God cannot do." 

The words to this simple little song came to my mind a bit ago as I was wrestling with many conflicting thoughts in my mind. And I was reminded that it really is that simple. God is big. God is mighty. Nothing is too big for Him. 

But it's not always that simple to us, is it? So many times we get caught up in our lives, moving from highs to lows, wondering where the next mountain peak is so that we can get out of the valley, and return to comfort and "good feelings." 

Valleys are not comfortable. My husband and I can attest to that. In our almost 4 and a half years of marriage, it feels like there have been more valleys than mountains. For myself, I had many times I wanted to just scream and run away, because I felt like I just couldn't take much more. I wanted to throw in the towel, to surrender so that the pain would go away. 

But God didn't take the pain away. And truthfully, I know deep down that it was better for me that way. Trials and pain make you grow and become fit. Comfort makes you flabby and indifferent. 

I wouldn't be the woman I am today if I had lived a comfortable, easy life. I needed those trials to trim away bad habits, sins that I didn't want to let go, and even "good" things that were not God's best for me. I have often needed redirection when I was headed a way that went against God's plan. And sometimes that required being allowed to go through trials that were, in reality, of my own creation. 

Money has been incredibly tight since right before Jude was born. There have been times that we wondered where a certain payment was coming from, or the money to go to the dr, or even food. I have often freaked out, asking the "why" question.  But the amazing thing is this - despite my distrust, despite my disobedience in the area of trust, GOD HAS ALWAYS PROVIDED. My family has never been without food (though the "manna" of beans is far from being our favorite meal), we have always had a roof over our head (even when there were people on our particular roof), and our car has always had gas in it (running on "E" at times much longer than it should have). We have had clothes provided in such an abundance that we had to give some of them away. People have given us fair passes, and taken us to movies or given us movie cards. In other words, God has provided what we needed - and BEYOND what we needed. He was bigger than our circumstances. 

What is it you need tonight? Physical provision? Protection? A relationship restored? Peace? To defeat a bad habit or addiction? Turn to God. Because He is bigger than any of your circumstances, bigger than anything that you struggle with. 

"The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,

    my God, my rock in whom I take refuge,

    my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. 

I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, 

    and I am save from my enemies."

  - Psalm 18:2 & 3

And if you don't know God as your personal Savior, ask me how! I would love to introduce you to my God! 

A Husband's Love

I was recently shown a picture of God's love in the most incredible way.

I haven't always felt easy to love. I tend to focus on my all my mistakes and failures, beating myself up constantly. This makes me feel unworthy and unlovable. I then back off and isolate myself from people, even those that are closest to me. I feel ashamed - and that I do not deserve to be loved. I push people away.

I ran from my husband before he asked me out. I was afraid of what would happen when he found out who I really was - that he would find out, and quickly tire of it, feeling that it just wasn't worth being with me. I had a great fear of being rejected. How could he love me, or want to be with me?

It blew my mind that he continued his pursuit of me. He was patient and waited for me like no one else ever had. He was gentle in his pursuit, backing off when he saw that I was freaking out. He backed off; but he he never went away. When I was ready, he awaited me with open arms. And guess what? He had already accepted me totally and completely, just the way that I am. Having known me for a while, he knew a lot about me - and he still loved me, and wanted to spend the rest of his life with me.

Then one day, I realized that I often feel the same way about God. God is perfect. Why would He want to pursue me, love me, or stay with me? I am just a human. A sinful, imperfect human, so small, and (seemingly) insignificant. I back away from Him and run from Him, just like I did my husband.

And yet, God pursues me, patiently, gently, not forcing Himself on me- but waiting in the background with open arms to embrace me and hold me. He knows everything about me - and yet He still accepts me fully and completely for who I am. What's more, He wants to spend eternity with me!

This is what God revealed to me today:

I am God's creation. Yes, I am a sinner. But God still made me. He loves me in a way that I do not deserve, and could certainly never earn. He loves me not only despite who I am, but because of who I am. He sent His Son to die in my place - He loves me that much. I am His child and no amount of time or distance will keep me from Him.

In the same way, my husband loves me despite me, and because of who I am. He loves me no matter what I do or what I say. He is always there with open arms, ready to forgive me. I don't deserve his love, any more than I deserve HIS love. And yet he willingly made the commitment to love me, and stay with me.

My husband loves me so much. I am daily reminded of this. Through his love for me, I am reminded constantly of God's love for me.

The Truth About Abortion

I am not normally an opinionated person, other than when I am talking to my fiance, my parents and siblings, and a couple close friends. However, I am finding that, over time, that is changing. I have found myself in impassioned discusions with coworkers, or even customers. I feel that I have been silent about what I beleive far too long and that I simply cannot remain so any longer. I pray that this continues, and taht God makes me increasingly bold.

One of the things that I feel most strongly about is the subject of abortion. Now, I realize that this has not been mentioned much during this election. But it is something that I feel we must talk about much more than we do. These babies, little people, have no voice, no say in what happens to them. It's time someone speaks for them.

There are many web sites, causes, videos, etc. devoted to this subject. Here are just the two that I have seen this week:

- http://www.abort73.com/

This site has a video showing babies that have been aborted after just a few weeks. They have little hands, feet, skeletons, faces, and are very clearly full formed human beings. It is very hard to watch, but something that I think more people need to see. There are also stories about and testimonials from people who have had abortions.

- http://www.durarealidad.com/

This video shows older babies being aborted, as well as the result of the abortion. I realize that many of you have already seen it. My fiance and I watched a few evenings ago. It was the worst thing I have ever seen in my life. I didn't make it through the whole thing - I had to stop watching. And afterwords, I sobbed as I have never sobbed after watching a video.

I fail to understand how so many people can say that abortion is NOT murder, and thus should not be illegal. How is killing a baby in the womb with sterile tools in a clinic any different than killing a person outside the womb with a gun or knife? Abortion is murder, and murder is a sin. It goes against God's commands. Abortion is never an option. Many people will say otherwise, particularly if having the baby could "be dangerous to the mother" (which is very rare with today's technology), or if the baby is the result of rape (it is not the babie's fault).

I realize that many will disagree with me, but, having been convicted over the past week, I strongly felt that I needed to write this. I don't know who will actually read it, but I must do as God prompts. I pray that you will read this, go to the sites, and that you will consider the information they present.

STOP WHINING!!! YOU'RE GIVING ME A HEADACHE!!!

I realized today just how negative I tend to be. I'm currently going to school full time, and working a lot of hours in a very short period of time. All this makes me very tired and brings out my "inner whiner:"

"I'm tired!"

"I want a life!"

"I really hate my life right now!"

"When is this going to end?"

"We're going to have how many people gone next week?! How am I going to make it?!"

I have been going on like this since school started. And then I was super convicted about my attitude. The reality is, my life could be way worse: I could be not only going to school full time, but having to work more than one job. I could also be going from school to work, or vice versa, rather than never working the same day I have class. I could be having to take out massive loans just to survive, or worse, not able to go to school at all, which would mean no graduating this semester. The list goes on and on.

So, I should be looking at it like this: I have a job. It is more than enough to pay the bills. (Yeah, I had to use my savings to pay for half of school, but I will be able to build that up again.) I was also able to get all the classes that I need in order to graduate this term - that has never happened. It is only for a few months. As for a lot of people being gone next week, I've worked harder shifts at other jobs (i.e. at Disney). I will be crazy tired, but I will survive. I will be crazy tired all semester, but it will come to an end, and I will be able to move on with my life.

I just need to "count my blessings" and stop whining.

I LIKE MORNINGS. WAIT, DID I JUST SAY THAT? THAT CAN'T BE RIGHT!

It happens to the best of us. We start out life hating mornings, disliking greatly the fact that there are days when we have to get out of bed before noon. That there are days when we must, in fact be out of the house -gasp- early, sometimes even before the sun is up. Eventually, we learn to do it without complaining- outwardly. We just go along with the flow, do what we have to do to keep the peace. We might even learn to (somewhat) tolerate all the "good mornings" said in bright, perky voices by smiling faces as we pick up our morning coffee (the only reason we tolerate them). But we still don't like it. In fact, we just plain hate the whole thing.

And then it happens:

You wake out of restful sleep, wide-awake, happy, and ready to conquer the world. Then you look at the clock- and start to cry. It's only 6 o'clock in the morning! What's happening! This is not supposed to happen! EVER! You tightly close your eyes, praying that you will go back to sleep. You don't have to be up until 7! Surely you can go back to sleep! But, no. The alarm clock rings- and you're still wide awake. Now grumpy, you get up, get your coffee, and stomp off to the bathroom to get ready. Tomorrow will be different.

This pattern continues for awhile. Each day is easier than the one before. Eventually, you start noticing more and more things, like the way the birds sing, all the colors in the sky as the sun rises, and the fact that it's great to have your coffee outside on summer mornings. And then one day, you realize, Yes, you do like mornings.

BUT I LIKE BEING IN CONTROL!!!

Have you ever noticed that one thing no human being likes to do is to wait- for anything? We get impatient, and then strike out on our own to accomplish whatever it is we "can't" wait for. And then... we find out that perhaps it would have been better for us to wait in the first place.

God does want us to wait in life. He wants us to develope a deeper trust and reliance on Him. We must wait on His timing, for His timing is perfect. He knows whether on not something is good for us, and when the right time for us to have it is. This goes for anything in life: a job, money, a car, a house, a boyfriend/girlfriend, a husband/wife, etc. Those things are not neccessarily bad, they just might not be good for us- maybe now, maybe ever.

I frequently try to take over the situation, and you know what I found out? Every time I do, I end up making a mess of it- and then become depressed and miserable. Every time. You'd think I'd learn. But I'm like a child- I want my way, and my way alone. I have this strange idea that I know what's best for me. I forget that the only one who really knows what's best for me is my heavenly Father.

I was recently doing it again, trying to control everything. And I was confronted. And convicted. And had to spend some serious time with God. And He showed me this passage;

"O God, you are my God;
I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live,
lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
I will praise you with songs of joy.

I lie awake thinking of you,
meditating on you through the night.
Because you are my helper,
I sing for joy in the shadow of your wings.
I cling to you;
your strong right hand holds me securely."

-Psalm 63:1-8 (NLT)

I had let everything else take over, become more important than Him. All He was asking was for me to turn over the reigns, to let Him handle it all, to lean on Him, trusting Him to do His will. He desire to do His will, which is perfect. I just simply have to let go.

It all comes down to this: who/what is my greatest desire? Whom/what do I thirst for? Who/what holds me? On whom/what do I depend on? Is it God? Or is it a person/thing?

Ask God to show you who's in control of your life. If it's not Him, surrender it all to Him. Trust me, it's not worth the pain and agony of trying to control it on your own.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well." -Matthew 6:33 (NLT)

THAT'S NOT THE WAY I ROLL- BUT I GUESS I NEED TO LEARN TO

I realized today just how impatient I tend to be with other people and situations that arise in life.

I've always been irritated easily- not a very godly trait. But it seems like there is always something that annoys me. Whether it's the annoying customer that just babels or the one that takes forever to make up their mind and then asks stupid questions, or the drivers that stops just in time to not cross at the red light- and does so in the pedestrian lane so that I have to wait for another light to cross, there's always something or someone irritating.

I woke up late this morning, only to find out that the complex had shut the water off. This meant no shower, no coffee (I had to reheat some and use what little bottled water I had for the rest), and no cooking (I had cereal). I was frustrated and immediately went to the office to find out what was going on. The managers said to give it until 11 am, and it should be on again. I did. By 12:15, it was still not on. So, I went to the office again, and was told that they didn't know when it was going to be on again, there was an emergency that required turning the water off, and that it would be on as soon as possible. I was upset, but was nice- outwardly. When I got back to my apartment, I realized something- the managers were in no way at fault. It was the responsibility of the people fixing the problem to have the water back on as soon as possible. And when I left the office, I saw the stick that they use to turn the water off and on in the hole- and no one was around working on it. I became upset once more.

And then I knew that I was wasting my time and energy on something that, in the long run, really didn't matter. Yeah, it was annoying to not be able to shower, or cook food, but at least I had food, and a way to sponge off. There are so many people that would be grateful for just that. I had a nice, warm shower yesterday, have cereal and bread in the fridge, and a warm bed to sleep in, with a roof over my head. Another important revelation: people in general are impatient. This is why they stop in the pedestrian lane (they think they can make it across, then realize that they can't), cut people off, or almost run me over. They are impatient and rude because it is all about them and their needs. They are self-centered, self-focused, selfish. What a sad way to live!

It's like God was saying, "Do you really want to be like them? For that is not what I desire from you. You are to be different, set apart from this world for me. You are to be an example of the way that things are supposed to be, not the way things are."

"Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect." - Romans 12:2 (NLT) (emphasis added)

"You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled by men. You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." -Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT)

So, the next time you or I become impatient or upset, remember that God has set us apart for His work, and He desires us to be like Him.